Thursday, August 13, 2009

Do the crime, spend the time: traffic school

SACRAMENTO, CA -- I am in the the pokey, or Great Comedians traffic school in a Sacramento strip mall. Our teacher is Bob Webb, a 72-year-old, self-proclaimed farmer from the red-neck town of Harold, California. Helping to teach the 400-minute, 9-5 course is Oscar, Bob’s diminutive Yorkie Terrier. There are 26 traffic violators with me on this Saturday. Half are here for speeding, the other for stop lights, one for crossing a double yellow line and the other for an unsafe lane change. “If we added up all the fines for everyone in this class, we could have one hell of a party,” Bob laughs. He ain’t just whistlin’ Dixie I think to myself. To support the County of Lake Tahoe, I contribute $364 for my speeding ticket; $64 for the promise of attending traffic school; and $38 in cash to Bob for a fun-filled day with 26 of my new criminal friends. At $466 per person, we collectively contribute over $12,000 to our down-trodden economy. Who said crime doesn’t pay?

1 comment:

  1. Don't I know it! This will be my fist time at traffic school. I just got my first speeding ticket in 25 years! And just about everyone I know has had one lately. Ok, maybe an exaggeration there. But anyway they are making money for sure. Add my $350 donation to your tab.